I always knew when it was about to happen and I always knew I deserved it. The hastened sliding of the kitchen drawer and the quick shuffling of my mom’s feet indicated that I was about to get the wrath of the wooden spoon. That is if I couldn’t run faster than my mom. Almost always (OK, always) even if I could outrun ol’ Barbaroonie (our made up name for my mom Barbara), I would end up returning for my punishment because after all, I realized I had done something that was not acceptable. Having bad manners was unacceptable in our household and it was punishable by a good whack with the surprisingly painful wooden spoon given by my 5 foot 0 inches tall mother.
In the business world, we often avoid having difficult conversations about bad manners. To illuminate this point further, we smooth out the corners by using politically correct terms such as “incivility in the workplace” or “lack of business etiquette”. When doing a Google search on bad manners in the workplace, these terms continue to show up instead of calling it what it is – bad manners. However, all of us are first human beings and second business people. Therefore many of the “bad manners” that we exhibit in our daily lives are carried into the business world as “lack of business etiquette”. Here are a few of the manners that I learned at the painful end of many broken and unbroken wooden spoons:
Accountability – Just as it was pretty clear who was to blame when a lamp got broken or when my little sister came running inside crying, it is many times obvious in the business world where an error occurred or who is to blame when something doesn’t go as planned. Equally important is the ability to take responsibility. Telling my mom I had done something wrong always resulted in a much lesser sentence; just as taking responsibility for errors or wrong directional choices help the business resolve or change direction before the issue becomes much larger.
Avoiding Condescension – I always have and still do know more than my little sister (not true). However, my mom taught me that while this may be true (she also knew it wasn’t), there were different ways of communicating which would help my little sister learn and not feel bad about how I communicated. In business, everyone comes from a different place of understanding and personally processes information in different ways. Being a good teacher through instruction and mentorship always yields better relationships and outcomes than telling someone, either overtly or covertly, what they don’t know or what you know better.
Giving Grace – Many business discussions are filled with deadlines, stressful situations, and elevated expectations. At times tempers may boil, emotions may run high and things may be said that are a result of the aforementioned or possibly an amygdala hijacking. Or in my case, things may have been thrown at my little sister. In either case, there is always room for forgiveness and grace. Assuming that others do not mean the ill intent that is inflicted will clear the way for the last and most important element.
Genuine Apology – We are all guilty of having bad manners at times. Whether it is an overt act or a more covert act which is not readily identifiable, we all have times that we need to make amends. By apologizing at the appropriate time and explaining why you are truly sorry shows that you are self-aware enough to recognize the need for the apology and vulnerable enough to offer the apology. The receiving side of an apology is just as important. Understanding that it is not natural or commonplace to receive a genuine apology is the perfect reason to give time and effort to accepting a genuine apology.
To that end, I offer this – To my Mom, Barbaroonie, I am truly sorry that you had to waste so much money on wooden spoons when I was younger. Now I need to get to my therapy appointment for PTSD (post-traumatic spoon disorder).
